Eighth grade was a never ending time of anger, angst, depression, defiance, and rejection. I still played my flute, but even that was a form of torture. The band director refused to allow me to challenge for first chair because she had applied for the job as director at Dwight and been turned down. As soon as she found out where I came from I might as well have not existed. I joined the choir, but never really fit in there either, my voice had not developed into what would eventually become Contralto. Again, joining did nothing as far as making friends since choir was where the "popular" kids belonged. I remember once, I had broken my foot and had it in a cast. My spot was on the top riser and a particularly vicious girl thought it would be funny to push me off. She just turned around and shoved me right in the middle of the chest. I went off backwards completely out of control.
This one girl, who I must say was also not one of the popular kids, used to go out of her way to terrorize me. There were more than several physical confrontations throughout the year one of them a literal fight ring with us in the middle. I refused to fight, and this girl, who was almost three times my size was determined to beat the crap out of me. It was the counselor who saw what was happening and broke things up. If she hadn't, that girl would have put a serious hurt on me.
It was during this year that I found the "losers club". These were other kids who didn't fit in in one way or another. I don't remember at what point in the year we started it, but we became a "losers lunch club". We took to spending our lunch times together, talking and hanging together. In a way, we were protecting each other. We had some interesting conversations together, I mean really interesting. More fantasy than reality most of the time. We were geeks, that's what geeks do. It was here that I slowly came to be accepted. None in this circle judged my clothing, unwashed hair or attitude. We all belonged, and to this day my heart goes out to the misfits everywhere.
The summer following eighth grade was the first time I held a job. I spent the summer babysitting and saving my money so I could buy my own school clothes for 9th grade. I was actually pretty proud of myself. There was some store, I don't remember the name of it, but I went with mom and chose my clothes and put them on layaway and paid them off over the summer with my earnings. The clothes weren't that bad (although I could probably have done without the jeans with the fringe down the legs). If I could say anything about them it would be that they were too old for me. Mom helped me choose them and I think she was thinking of how the young women dressed when she was growing up. I don't have to tell you the impression they made on my classmates. Wool skirts and pumps are just not what girls were wearing in 1980. At least I still had my loser friends and in high school the circle had widened. I had finally found my niche - I was a drama geek! I was in heaven! I fit in somewhere and loved it! Here was my window to step through. Not only did I have friends, but I also had a great teacher who seemed to understand me. Mr. Mangrum taught me to walk with my head up and to take pride in who and what I was. I'm not saying that life was perfect, but it was so much better.
It was in high school that I met one of the friends who would change my life in the best way. Clay invited my to Church with him one Sunday and next thing I know, I'm in the choir and have been active in the Church ever since. Once I got started at Church with Clay there was no looking back. Clay and I became such good friends that I even called his parents Mom and Dad, still do as a matter of fact. Even though I haven't seen Clay in years, we have communicated via email and follow each others face book pages to keep track. So here was another window for me to step through.
High school was definitely looking up. I spent all four years in the Drama club, lettered all four years as well, and found my Faith Family. I had joined the Church and would eventually be married there. I still go when visiting home. I have many friends there, including my Counselor from Jr. High and High School. These are people who have been in my life since high school, have literally watched me change from an insecure scared kid into the woman I am today. They were there for me when my father died, when I got married and when I had my son. Some are facebook friends today and are able to follow how things are going. This is my family and I love them and they love me.
The changes I was so desperately waiting on were coming, slowly but surely. I was becoming...me, and God was there with big strong shoulders whenever I needed Him. And I am thankful to those who brought me to Him...finally.
Beautiful Bloggable Me
