A (Brief?) Aside

I would like to take a look at grief and forgiveness today.  Both of these things are really on my heart, have been for a couple of days.

Grief entered my heart just a few minutes ago when I learned of the death of a wonderful woman.  She was there to help us with Christopher's education when no one else would.  Susan Owens was the Principle at Round Rock Christian Academy for (I believe) over 30 years.  I got to know her as we worked together to make sure that Christopher was getting the education he needed and the molding as a person that all young people need.  She was an amazingly loving, Christian woman who was there in some of the hardest times of my life, and Christopher's life.  We will miss her and be forever grateful for what she brought to our family.  My heart goes out to her husband, children and grand-children whom she loved most dearly.

The topic of forgiveness entered my heart the other night as I cried through the movie version of an incredible book that will always have a place on my book shelf - Amish Grace.  

I cried through the book, and seeing the raw emotions of these gentle people on screen, portrayed so well, I cried through the movie.  If you have not read the book, you really should.  This book could teach all of us a vital lesson, regardless of what Churches we belong to.  

As I watched the movie and recalled the book, one huge question drummed in my mind.  Would I, as a parent, be able to forgive anyone who harmed my child in any way?  Some of the young ladies survived their ordeal at the Nickel Mines School, but 5 did not.  If Christopher were to come to any harm, well, the thought leaves me with the sickest of sickest feelings in my gut.  If he were not here, there would be a hole in my heart and life.  How can one face this, and also forgive this?  I think I would go mad and rage against anyone who tried to tell me that it was God's will, that He had called my child home to him.  Yet, I have always believed that God has a purpose and a plan for each of us, so how can I sit here and question God's will?

The Amish members of the Nickel Mines community gave us an example of God's Grace in times of tragedy.  They also shared with the English community their wisdom and strength in this awful time.  

Many people think that forgiveness is a one time thing.  You forgive and you forget the wrong that has been done to you.  The wise men and women of this community taught me a new understanding of forgiveness.  

I would like to share with you some of their wisdom and strength.  The following are direct quotes from the book Amish Grace, and also from the movie.  You will find no names following these quotes, the Amish are a humble people and seek no individual attention, but act as a community and give all credit to God.

"This is about living our lives with a calm courage that understands that survival lies in reaching out, not striking back."

"Just because I have forgiven, does not mean the pain goes away.  I wake up and the pain tears me apart inside, but then I hand the pain to God, and I forgive the person who caused the pain and I feel better for it.  This I sometimes have to do many times a day.  Forgiving does not mean the absence of pain, but rather, forgiving is the only way to handle the pain.  If I did not forgive, sometimes many times a day, and turn to God, I would wonder how a person stays sane."

"We are not the only victims here.  This poor woman lost her husband, her children lost a father.  This was not their doing, how can we turn our backs on our own neighbor?"

I should note here, that the woman in question is the wife of the man who killed these girls.  She was welcomed as a neighbor and the Amish grieved her loss as much as they grieved their own.  A group of Elders visited her home and extended the hand of love and offered any help she might need.  They brought food and toys for the children and attended her husband's funeral in full support of her and her family.

Now some quotes, also from the book, but not from the Amish.  Everett L. Worthington was asked, by the author, to help in the understanding of forgiveness in the face of such an evil act.

"Decisional forgiveness is a personal commitment to control negative behavior, even if negative emotions continue...promises not to act in revenge or avoidance, but it doesn't necessarily make a person feel less unforgiving."

"Emotional forgiveness happens when negative emotions, resentment, hostility, and even hatred are replaced by positive feelings."

Did I miss something somewhere?  Is it so easy to replace negative emotions with positive ones?  Is this possible?  Could I do it?  These are questions we all must ask ourselves, sometimes many times a day. 

With the plethora of hate in the world today, I ask the simple question:  Are we able to forgive and extend the hand of friendship to those around us? 

Maybe we need to start in our own houses and work our way out.  Forgiveness, I think, is like crime - it gets easier after the first time.

My prayer is that we can learn from our neighbors, take the lessons to heart and do our best to apply them in our own lives.

As to my original question.  I don't know if I would be able to forgive someone who injured my child and I pray to God I need never find out.

Beautiful Bloggable Me